911 whats your emergency?

Thats how long I was awake for the other 2 days. Woke up for work monday about 3pm went to work at 10pm. Then we had two people call off so Miguel and I had to work day shift too. So when I finally left work at 2pm on tuesday it was hour 23. I then figured to just stay awake till after dinner, did that, took a shower and then crashed about 7pm that night. I didn't wake up untill 9am the next day. I had the alarm set for 10am because I had plans to meet Jayme for lunch so I could see her new baby Corey. He is such a chubber. I think I got enough sleep. I don't recomend staying awake for that long, you get kinda goofy around hour 20. Now I'm soon off to a ESDA (Emergency Services Disaster Agency) presentation on identifying tornadoes and other bad weather. After that its off to work and then back to bed.

Okay so after doing some quick math and checking the budget if I don't eat or use gas in my veh and don't get any other everyday household items, then I can afford an apt. So now I'm onto plan b, whatever that will be. Perhaps I'll get a digital camera and send the rest to some of the debt I have. Any other suggestions?

Well I'm getting back almost $900 so I'm looking into getting an apt or a house. figure i may as well look into buying before settling on renting. the hard part will be finding a place that allows dogs. Not to mention the complete lack of furniture. I do have kitchen essentials though so thats a plus. well have a good one.

well now that i'm single what is there to do. I'm on the wait list for guitar lessons, but until that happens I'm kinda bored. Any suggestions? Other than that I've got nothing. Have a good one.

well stef broke up with me last night. turns out my waiting for her to contact me worked against me. not to mention i want to rush back into marriage, which probably isn't the smartest thing either, but i miss being in that type of committed relationship. oh well at least i didn't buy anything for valentines day that i would now have to return. if you need me i'll be sulking in the corner.

congrats to my guys, yes i'm claiming ownership, denny hamlin and tony stewart who finished 1st and 3rd respectivily. although tony may have came in second, its really too close to tell without looking. on the other hand i'm feeling kinda depressed and alone again. i also keep thinking about andrea, but i really need to stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. i just want to be loved, be able to move out of my p's place and catch up to my age and stop being a kid. at least i get to work tonight, that takes my mind off of things. i might even be able to see stefanie tonight. although lately it seems like she has been avoiding me. well have a good day.

before i tell about my dream, perhaps a little background as to whats going on in my life. i'm dating stefanie, past blogs might mention her, but i'm losing my feelings towards her and i don't think she is all that into me. at least she doesn't show that. i'm the one that calls and makes all the decisions. work is going well, i'm on midnights now, which is alot easier than working afternoons. in fact its pretty quiet and i've managed to read four books so far. now for the dream. in my dream i left work to go find andrea (co-worker) at her apt because she hadn't come in to work. her apt complex had a *pool* (i remember it very clearly). so when i get to her apt she isn't there and according to some old short guy, she is in the *hospital*. so i start to leave but then soon realize that i've *lost my shoes*. i never did find my shoes so i started to leave, once i got seated in my car, my pants kept coming off, i was pretty much fighting with them when a cop aproached my car and asked if i was *naked*. it was then that i woke up. to be honest i've kinda had a thing for andrea, but have been able to keep it under control thus far. so since i had i had noting else to do i checked a dreem interpretation website http://www.dreammoods.com to check on it. i also made the possible mistake of telling andrea that i had a dream about her and that i was looking into it. what i found scared me but didn't really suprise me. so folks, what do you think? it'll help to let you know i looked up the words in the *'s since they seemed key to the dream. let me know what i shoud do.

looks like im coming back for some comments about my drama. why can't i just find someone that has a genuine interest in me. oh well, i'll go into more detail later.

where's a bootie call when you need one. i have a feeling i'm going to die a lonely old man and won't be found till the mailman gets concerned because of the large amount a mail that hasn't been taken in in a week or so.

okay here is my dilema i'm done with tricia, she's pissed me off for the last time. now i have mandy that i meet on friday, who is very nice and attractive, but lives almost 2 hrs away. i did learn that she'll likely be moving in december, which means she will be closer then. but then there is still stefanie whom i have a crush on but don't know if she would even date me. i'm tempted to send her flowers annoynmously to see if she calls me to ask if i sent them. but then the meeting between mandy and myself was set up by my friends dawn and heather so if i end things with mandy i have to be careful not to upset them. i don't know what to do. therapy is tomorrow so hopefully i'll be less confused tomorrow when i leave there tomorrow. well have a good one and please any thoughts/advice are welcome.

well now that i'm single again, i find myself being bored. not that i would be with tricia right now anyways cause she's at work but i find that i don't have anything to do. well guess i'll dive into a chat room, perhaps i'll find someone that isn't trying to get me to go to a webcam site.

i do have plans for sat night though. my friend heather, rather her g/f dawn, is setting me up with a friend. i hope it goes well. it was good to be social. have a good one.

well this looks like the end for sure this time. she honestly didn't think it would bother me that she had a hickey from her exboyfriend from doing body shots 2 nights ago. come on how can i not be upset about it. so yeah its over now.

i did go out with stefanie and her friends for her birthday last night. turns out still have a crush on her, that kinda helped me make my decision about tricia. but stefanie will most likely never date me, so that leaves me single again. heather and dawn have a girl in mind for me, but they want me to wait a week or so. i guess i can do that. well heres to me not becoming completly depressed again.

well turns out i'm not going to be a dad. given the circumstances its probably for the best but i was really excited for a few days knowing that i was going to be a dad. life is always interesting. well don't have anything else going on so have a good day.

well tricia had her court date yesterday. apparantly it was a bit more important than she though. now her ex wants to appeal the "winnings" of the divorce. now he doesn't want her to see her kids at all and thinks that i'm an endagerment to her children. me an endangerment, he obviously doesn't know me. she has to go back on 9/2/05 and i wouldn't be suprised if i get a subpena (sp?). i've debated whether or not go to on my own and i don't think i will. i'm supportive but i really don't want to get dragged into this. its a crazy mixed up world we live in. well have a good one.

well things between tricia and me are okay. yesterday wasn't all that much fun but in the end we made up and things are getting back to the way they had been. i still somewhat stuck on whether i have true feelings for her or if they are false feelings only because she has interest in me. i feel like i'm on the fence here. i don't want to hurt her, or anyone but if i do i'm sorry and never intended to do so. i'm not even so sure i won't hurt myself during this whole process. at least i go back to work today, so i'll have somewhat of an escape from myself. i don't seem to get things accomplished when i think and only end up being more confused. maybe i'm looking to deep or someting, i don't know. well have a good one.

well it looks like my relationship is spinning out of control. i sent her a message saying that i'd been thinking and that we needed to talk. hindsight being 20/20 i should have phrased that differently but oh wel too late now. she took it as me breaking up with her and said she's see me around. i replied saying that i didn't want to break up with her but just wanted to talk about things. well a few hours pass, after numerous phone calls and attempts to get her to talk to me and now it seems like its going to end. i just wanted to tell her that it upset me that i had to "deal" with her kids yesterday and be the one to discipline them. how fair is that too me or her kids? i would like to slow things down between us and just enjoy dating without the pressure of becoming a family right away. well she didn't seem to want to respond to anything i had to say and so i told her to call me tommorow and i left. she called me on my way home and so i told her that i didn't want to hurt her and that she was hurting me. she tells me i left her crying, oh well, was my thought to that. she really pissed me off. i dont know how much longer this will last. ce la vie

okay i've had some time to think about this but it is still gnawing at me. tricia and i are thinking about moving in together. there is a house for rent behind her parents but it won't be available until september. so time line wise it'll be only 2 months that we will have known each other. i'm trying to figure out how genuine my feelings are for her as compared to me just being sympathetic. i really enjoy spending time with her and miss her when she's not around. not to mention how much i enjoy her laying next to me or cuddling on the couch. could i do better, possible, its likely i could find someone with less baggage. but things are going really well and if it is going to end i think i'm the one that is going to have to end it. not that i want too. well if anyone has anything to comment please do, i'd appreciate it. have a good one.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. tricia has been gone for 4 days now on a camping trip and i get wait till i get to hold her in my arms again. she should be here in about 4 hours. it did help that we talked almost everynight she was gone, but still being able to hold her and watch her fall asleep on me is great. the sex is even better. she told me she got a sun burn so i get rub aloe all over her, woo hoo. i missed her so much. well gotta get back to my book, i've been slacking and not reading it. have a good one.

how do you know if your in love. is it when you cannot stop smiling at the though of the other person. or is it that when your not around that other person all you want is to be around them? is it really that simple or is it more complicated than that. i told tricia how i felt last night and she felt the same way so at least thats a positive note. she is even quiting smoking, so i think she really does love me. she also told me that she tends to "find" a reason to kill a relationship but thus far she wasn't trying and that her best friend had noticed it and was suprised. so i must be doing something right. well gotta try to get some things done before work. have a good one. i know i will.

man i've never been so happy for someone to get their period. yesterday was kinda troubling for the relationship. someone at tricia's house grabbed her phone and texted me "i love you". i about fell out of my chair at work when i read it. tricia claims she didn't send it and suspects her mom of doing it. i don't think her mom needs to be active in our relationship. i know i'm a nice guy and that she wants her daughter to be with a nice guy, but she needs to know that things cannot be forced. i feel wierd now, but i can't quite figure out what it is that i feel wierd about. i don't know, perhaps its the "i love you" thing. guess i'll have to think about it and try to figure it out. well not much else going on. looks like it might storm today, which will be nice cause everyone will stay inside and hopefully keep out of trouble. have a good one.

fuck.
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
well thanks to the good ole dr's office not telling tricia that the birth control medication was a defective batch, she might be pregnant. god knows this isn't what i need right now. i can only hope that she isn't and that things will be fine. but lets face it the only luck i have is bad luck so i guess i'm going to be a dad. not excatly how i had that coming about, but not much we can do about it now. she goes in tomorrow and hopefully will bitch them out for not telling her. the reason this came about is because she needed a refill, during the time the mentioned, by the way did me tell you... . don't get me wrong i really like tricia, but now is not a good time for either of us to have a kid, not to mention she already has two. i'm thinking abortion but she isn't sure she could go through with that and we both ruled out giving it up for adoption. i hope she isn't pregnant. i'm so not ready to have a kid right now. well i'm going to go cry myself to sleep.

oh and mom starts radiation treatments next week. i have no idea how to break this news to them. i guess it can wait for now. why me?

it has to be a good thing when someone has a sex dream about you. especially when you having them orgasming for 10 minutes. Tricia sent me a text message this morning when she woke up. i'm a bit flattered by it and hopefully can live up to it. i don't think i've ever had a sex dream about anyone that i was dating, what about you folks? tell me about your sex dreams with you significant other.

i've also discovered the show "cheaters" its pretty damn funny. its almost like the jerry springer show.

well tricia was arrested yesterday. apparantly she missed a court date related to her divorce and there was a warrant issued for her. so the plans for yesterday evening ended up changing 3 times. at first we were going to go out just the 2 of us. then she calls and tells me her mom (who is sickly) was admited to the hospital and that she wants me to go with to visit her. k, no problem, so i take the greatest dog in teh world for a walk and get ready to leave. as i'm leaving, tricia calls and advises me she is being arrested. so instead of a nice possible romantic dinner, i drive to the jail to get her (her dad bonded her out) and then head to the hospital. the funny thing is that she knew the arresting officer and many of the correctional officers, so she actual walked out of jail laughing. i was nervous as hell the whole time. after awhile we finally got some food and then worked it off. well after i completly exhausted tricia last night, she asked if i took a pill or something. i had not and found it to be a nice complement. i also discovered today that she watches porn. how cool is that. i don't own any but i don't object to my girl enjoying it. tonight we are going over to her friends house to play cards and then i'll probably let her molest me again. he he

well trishia and i broke down and had sex. it was inevitible but what was i suppose to do when she threw herself at me. things seemed different than with other girls i've had sex with. then today it dawned on me. she has hips smaller than mine. all of my others had hips wider than mine. in the end she was happy, several times. well i'm dog ass tired, only got 3 hours of sleep last night and had CAD training for 5 hours today before working my shift. i even have to come in on my days off for training. well i'm off to bed. jc i suspect a comment of safety and carefullness from you, but don't worry, i'm trying to use the right head in all of this.

well for those that are eagerly waiting to hear of my tales, trisha and i didn't have sex last night. there was alot of kissing and just snuggling on the couch, my favorite. we ended up going swimming at 1100pm, the water was about 20 degrees warmer than the air temp so that was cool. i didn't notice saturday night but trisha is really skinny, easily the skinniest person i've dare i say dated? *sigh* i could hold her all day. when i got home last night and undressed for bed, i noticed that i could smell trisha on my shirt, it smelled so good, i dont think i'll wash it for a while. well hopefully i'll get to see her again today, i'm trying not to let myself fall for her cause i don't want to get hurt but at the same time i find it hard not to.


some of you long time readers, ha ha like i have long time readers. well anyways back in sep/oct i was seeing pam, she was at the bar saturday night, i said hi and was friendly but i hope she was jealous of me. it felt good seeing her just sitting at the bar with her friend while i was with trisha, who was just short of being all over me. i also think pam has gained some weight, ha. i'm evil i know, but she hurt me. have a good one.